


Open Doors

by Janieohio



Series: Open Doors [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cute Harry Potter, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, James Potter Lives, M/M, Raising Harry Potter, Widowed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26293873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janieohio/pseuds/Janieohio
Summary: James has been mourning Lily for over a year, raising Harry with the help of his best friend. As his grief eases, he begins to realise that sometimes when one door closes, another is opened.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Series: Open Doors [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1910485
Comments: 10
Kudos: 100





	Open Doors

**Author's Note:**

> This is written for the first practice round of the International Wizarding School Competition Season Three. It takes place in the same universe as my two other Starbuck (James/Sirius) stories: Complex Superiority and Sirius Trouble (both much later in the timeline). With this story, I'm officially turning this into a series, so keep an eye out for periodic updates to this universe.

_"When one door closes, another opens." -Alexander Graham Bell_

James Potter laid on his bed, staring at the wall in his currently silent house. It wouldn't remain silent long, as Harry usually woke from his nap after an hour or so, and it was nearly that now. He felt the immensity of the situation with every breath in his body. He didn't know how much longer he could do this.

Alone. He was alone.

Okay, not really alone. He had Padfoot helping him — hell, Padfoot _living_ with him — and he knew that was one of the only things keeping him going. And of course, Moony helped in his own way, and Frank and Alice were living just next door, ready to lend an extra hand whenever he needed it.

But they weren't Lily. His Lily, who'd given her life for their son. If only he'd been home that night; if only he'd been there to protect her, perhaps she'd have been able to escape and he'd not be doing this alone — raising their son alone.

It'd been over a year now, and he was still grieving. Harry made it easier, seeing her green eyes peering out of his toddler's face, smiling, laughing, throwing tantrums. It was like having a piece of her with him every day, both the good and the bad parts.

Merlin, he'd loved her.

He still did, but it was changing. He could get through each day a little easier now, and he felt so bloody guilty. Guilty for the happiness that came quicker, the grief dulling around the edges. He knew it was natural; it was normal; but in moments like these when the memories flooded him, he drew the sorrow around himself like an old familiar blanket, wrapping himself in its intimate embrace. It was his, and he owed it to her to hold on to it.

"Daddy!" Harry's cry from his cot echoed down the hallway into James's bedroom and he pushed himself up, willing himself to breathe and wiping his tears.

"Daddy's coming, Harry," James said, raising his voice slightly so the boy could hear. He went to the loo and splashed some water on his eyes, wiped his face, and stared at himself in the mirror. Twenty-two years old, a widower, and a single-father; how had his life come to this?

"Snap out of it, Potter," he told himself, straightening his back and running his hands through his hair so it stuck out in just the right way. Feeling only marginally better, he headed out of his room to get his son. As he reached out to the doorknob, however, he heard a deep voice within.

"You should let your poor Dad sleep, little man. He's tired and needs his rest." He heard Harry's giggles as Sirius's voice laughed. "Do you need to use the loo? We can surprise Daddy if you go on it and it'll make him so happy."

"Make Daddy smile?" Harry's little voice asked.

"Sure will," Sirius assured him.

"Ok!"

James stepped back into his room, waiting to see what would happen as Harry pulled his door open and ran across the hallway into the main bathroom, the one equipped with the step stool and potty chair that fit on top of the toilet seat. Sirius stood in the doorway, his back to James, his black hair feathered around his face and neck and his favourite tanned, striped shirt making James smile. The man would wear that shirt everywhere if he could get away with it. His dark, Jordache jeans fit his arse perfectly and Sirius, one of the vainest men James knew, had perfected his casual stance to accentuate that fact. He probably didn't even realise he did it anymore, given the fact that there was no one to show off to at the moment and he still stood that way. After all, it's not like a two and a half-year-old cared, and Sirius wasn't aware anyone else was watching.

Harry's and Sirius's voices suddenly sounded excited, and James focused his attention on what they were saying. "I did it, Padfoot! I did it! I peed on the potty!"

Sirius rushed into the bathroom, cheering and helping Harry down. James wanted to go in but also wanted to let them have their moment of celebration. Sirius had been working with Harry on his bathroom skills for weeks, and he'd earned the special time with the boy.

"You sure did, Pup. And your Daddy's going to be so proud of you. I'm super proud, too."

"Thanks, Padfoot." James could hear the sound of the sink as Harry washed his hands. "Can I go tell Daddy now?"

"Yup. Go on. He's waiting in the hallway."

James startled, surprised that Sirius had known he was there, but before he could think much about it, he had an excited toddler bowl into him, wrapping his arms about his legs.

"Daddy, I peed on the potty! Padfoot asked me to go and I went and I peed!"

James squatted down, his chest tightening as he looked into those familiar green eyes, bright with the flush of success. He'd seen that look on Lily's face hundreds of times over the years, but for the first time in over a year, there was no accompanying pain, just joy and love for the boy in front of him. "That's great, Harry! I'm so proud of you!"

He wrapped his arms around his son, giving him a long hug, then looked up to see his best friend watching them both with something in his expression that James hadn't ever noticed before.

Was that…longing?

James stared into Sirius's eyes, not breaking eye contact as Harry pulled back and ran to his room to put on his big boy pants so he could go next door and tell his best friend Neville.

Sirius reached out his hand to pull James back up into a standing position, but James didn't let go when Sirius meant to pull away. "What's going on, Pads? Talk to me."

Sirius rolled his eyes and jerked his hand back, then ran it through his hair. "Well, we've been practising potty-time for almost a month now, and—"

James let out a huff of impatience. Sirius could be obnoxiously stubborn when he didn't want to talk about something, but James knew he could get it out of him. In the meantime, he followed Harry out of his room and headed downstairs to take him to see the Longbottoms.

* * *

James came home an hour later to smell something burning in the kitchen. He'd left Harry with Frank and Alice for a while, so he didn't feel guilty about the expletive that escaped as he ran to the back of the house. He saw smoke pouring out of the oven and Sirius standing in the middle of the room staring in fascination.

"Sirius, what the hell are you doing? Open a window!" James drew his wand and opened the two windows, then pointed it at the door to the back garden and opened that, as well. The smoke slowly began to clear, and he could see Sirius more clearly now. He was wearing that ridiculous apron Remus had gotten him for Christmas the previous winter — the black Star Wars one that said: "They call me Darth Baker" in large letters across the front — and staring at a pot with a large, blackened hunk of something that may have once been meat, the source of the smoke.

"Uh, Sirius, did you lose your mind? Did you suddenly decide to learn to cook?"

"No, I have no idea what I'm doing. Thank you for noticing."

"Clearly," James said, trying to hide the amusement in his voice. "What were you thinking? I thought we had a deal. I'd cook, and you'd clean up after."

Sirius pulled out his wand and vanished the blackened mess, then floated the pot to the sink and filled it with water. "I could tell you were having a bad day, ok? I just wanted to help."

Sirius's voice had an odd note in it that James almost missed, and it reminded him of that look in the hallway earlier. "You do help. More than you can possibly know," James said, his voice quiet. He closed his eyes, thinking of all the ways Sirius helped him: raising Harry; making sure they both got through, even on James's bad days; stepping in to try to help James fill the hole in their family; telling Harry stories about Lily when it hurt too much for James to do so. He was holding them all together.

He opened his eyes and saw that look again, that longing, and everything seems to shift in his head, flipping his reality onto its side in a way that made it look different, but still so _right_. It'd been over a year since he'd seen someone look at him like that, or at least since he'd noticed. It was…well, it was something he'd never considered.

He suddenly realised that he wasn't really alone. Sirius was there, every morning, every evening, completing their little family in a way different than he'd ever imagined, but in a way that didn't feel at all wrong. And he knew that Lily had loved Sirius almost as much as James did. She'd love that he was there with them.

Gathering his Gryffindor impetuousness, James pushed off the counter and stepped across the room to Sirius, watching his grey eyes widen in shock when they were no farther than six inches apart.

"Jamie, what are you doing?" Sirius asked in a whisper.

"I just want to try something, ok?" James's heart was beating fast, and he could see Sirius's pulse in his throat doing the same. He held his breath waiting on a reaction.

What felt like minutes, but was surely only a couple seconds later, Sirius nodded. James leaned in and captured Sirius's lips, softly, barely pressing in. He simply marvelled at the feel of the other man's lips under his own, the man he knew better than any other, the man he'd thought he loved like a brother. But this definitely wasn't a brotherly feeling settling into the pit of his stomach.

Sirius held still, seeming to wait on James to change his mind, then he let out a groan and reached his hand up into James's hair, deepening the kiss. He dropped his hand only a few moments later, pulling back, his grey eyes dazed and hopeful.

Sirius was beautiful. James had always known it, but he hadn't ever really considered it. But now, he felt a smile curve onto his lips, and Sirius matched it, then asked, "Are you serious?"

James smirked. "Hardly. That would be you. But I do think that was rather nice."

Sirius barked out a laugh, a light blush on his cheeks. He cleared his throat, then sounded nervous. "Yeah. Yeah, it was. But, Jamie—"

"Sirius," James interrupted. "I know. I'm still grieving, and I need time, but…" He hesitated, thinking about how he wanted to say it. "But I think I need you as much as I need time. I meant it when I said you helped more than you could know. You do. And I think we should take this, whatever it is, slow, but if you want it, so do I."

Sirius stepped forward again and wrapped James in a hug. It felt like any number of embraces they'd shared over the years, but this time it held an extra tension of something more. It was perfect. "I do. Want it, that is."

"Daddy! Padfoot!" The door behind them flew open and they stepped back, looking up to see Alice Longbottom follow Harry into the room with raised eyebrows at the sight of them.

Sirius leaned down and swooped Harry up in a hug. "How about pizza for dinner, Pup? I burnt our dinner."

"Why did you cook, Padfoot? That's silly," Harry said with a giggle.

James watched them together, seeing his entire world in front of him. It looked slightly different than it had an hour before, but it looked brighter, happier.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked over at Alice who had a knowing smile on her face. "You look like you're feeling a little better, James. It's good." She stood on her toes and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "Lily would like that."

"Thanks, Alice," he murmured, then joined his men as they grabbed their coats. "Ok, pizza it is. It's a night to celebrate!"

Harry's giggle and Sirius's cheer were like a balm to his soul. Things were going to be better. He just knew it.

* * *

_Finis_

**Author's Note:**

> Competition Information:   
> Theme: A light at the end of the tunnel  
> Prompts: [Pairing – Romantic] Sirius Black/James Potter, [Dialogue] "No, I have no idea what I'm doing. Thank you for noticing."


End file.
